Thursday, May 17, 2012

I haven't really

been feeling particularly good about myself for a while now. For about a year I haven't been up to much of anything. Things have been different, I've been in an odd mood constantly and I keep delaying the smallest of productive tasks in order to do nothing at all. All motivation has been lost and I have the feeling that my next move will be one that will too drastically effect the outcome of my life for years to come. I have nothing to base this off of except for the thought that I'll be stuck at a job I don't like for an extended period of time. To wrap it all up, I'm terrified of what the future holds for me and because of that I'm refusing to do anything about it.

My current job has been for some time annoying me more and more, slack motherfuckers leaving shit for others to do without consequence. The thing that sucks is that I generally enjoy everybody I work with, but the thought that I could be making way more and I'm not working with something dealing with my major bums me out.

I don't know what exactly I'd like to do with my degree, something definitely in the field of networking. If I didn't hate programming so god damn much I'd like to do web development. Also at times I've been thinking perhaps I've picked the wrong major, I came to college with the intention of getting a degree in Mathematics but due to distractions and lack of concentration I was forced to switch. Every job posting I see that becomes available dealing with technology I'm only half stoked on. Recently a friend pointed out a job posting in Thailand to teach middle school aged kids math for 7 weeks this summer, the amount of excitement I've had about applying for this position is more exciting then perhaps anything that's happened to me within the past year.

I was really hoping to be back in Deep Creek for the summer, working 40 hours a week with 3 day weekends. Grinding my ass off to get to where I wanted to be by the end of the summer, and really just having one final summer before entering "The Real World". Kinda sucks, I gave 3 summers of my life to them and when I bail on the 4th due to wanting to graduate faster I'm told no for the 5th. I'd only see myself working there to enter into ODU's Masters Program for IS, as 2/3rds of it are classes I've already taken. However, now looking at VCU's program I could do it much faster and learn more. Who knows, I see school opening back up as a possibility though, as god know's I've been bored as fuck this past 6 months.

The move have been sweet, my new apartment is rad and it's all coming together. However a major problem developed when I discovered (as the Comcast guy arrived) that there is not a cable connection in my apartment. Therefore, there is no chance of me getting high speed internet. I suspect my landlord/realty company sucks ass but since technically I'm not on the lease I can't talk to either to get that fixed. If nothing develops with that I may need to seek alternatives.

The only thing that I'm really noticing from all of this, is that time is not slowing down for me. And I really need to get my shit together. However something needs to change in order for that to take off I feel.

Oh yeah, I talked to Trey and I'm only working 4 days a week for a while. The Anniversary sale starts Wednesday and that shit's going to be cray (always is), so when I have Saturday-Tuesday off in a few days I plan on being stupid productive back home.

There's a few plans set into place for the coming months, but nothing is set in stone yet.