I haven't really

been feeling particularly good about myself for a while now. For about a year I haven't been up to much of anything. Things have been different, I've been in an odd mood constantly and I keep delaying the smallest of productive tasks in order to do nothing at all. All motivation has been lost and I have the feeling that my next move will be one that will too drastically effect the outcome of my life for years to come. I have nothing to base this off of except for the thought that I'll be stuck at a job I don't like for an extended period of time. To wrap it all up, I'm terrified of what the future holds for me and because of that I'm refusing to do anything about it.

My current job has been for some time annoying me more and more, slack motherfuckers leaving shit for others to do without consequence. The thing that sucks is that I generally enjoy everybody I work with, but the thought that I could be making way more and I'm not working with something dealing with my major bums me out.

I don't know what exactly I'd like to do with my degree, something definitely in the field of networking. If I didn't hate programming so god damn much I'd like to do web development. Also at times I've been thinking perhaps I've picked the wrong major, I came to college with the intention of getting a degree in Mathematics but due to distractions and lack of concentration I was forced to switch. Every job posting I see that becomes available dealing with technology I'm only half stoked on. Recently a friend pointed out a job posting in Thailand to teach middle school aged kids math for 7 weeks this summer, the amount of excitement I've had about applying for this position is more exciting then perhaps anything that's happened to me within the past year.

I was really hoping to be back in Deep Creek for the summer, working 40 hours a week with 3 day weekends. Grinding my ass off to get to where I wanted to be by the end of the summer, and really just having one final summer before entering "The Real World". Kinda sucks, I gave 3 summers of my life to them and when I bail on the 4th due to wanting to graduate faster I'm told no for the 5th. I'd only see myself working there to enter into ODU's Masters Program for IS, as 2/3rds of it are classes I've already taken. However, now looking at VCU's program I could do it much faster and learn more. Who knows, I see school opening back up as a possibility though, as god know's I've been bored as fuck this past 6 months.

The move have been sweet, my new apartment is rad and it's all coming together. However a major problem developed when I discovered (as the Comcast guy arrived) that there is not a cable connection in my apartment. Therefore, there is no chance of me getting high speed internet. I suspect my landlord/realty company sucks ass but since technically I'm not on the lease I can't talk to either to get that fixed. If nothing develops with that I may need to seek alternatives.

The only thing that I'm really noticing from all of this, is that time is not slowing down for me. And I really need to get my shit together. However something needs to change in order for that to take off I feel.

Oh yeah, I talked to Trey and I'm only working 4 days a week for a while. The Anniversary sale starts Wednesday and that shit's going to be cray (always is), so when I have Saturday-Tuesday off in a few days I plan on being stupid productive back home.

There's a few plans set into place for the coming months, but nothing is set in stone yet.

i've neglected you online journal.

since our last hangout i've seen the wings play three times: a blowout loss in washington, a win in pittsburgh, and an upset in long island. each time was a total blast, and im stoked i still have at least two more games to go to this season. 

and just like that my final semester of college was over with, im just now starting to be productive after graduating. christmas and new years was wonderful and this month of adjusting to life no longer being a student has been kinda weird. for a while i kept waking up every day (or afternoon) thinking i should have something to actually do besides going to work for at most 8 hours. as a result at times i was feeling unmotivated and unproductive without any deadlines being imposed.

however in the past week i've turned that around a bit, so that's sweet.

just finished

my first homework assignment of the semester.

i was going to say i should start being more productive, but i think i actually started doing so this evening.

so hooray for that.

first day of school

yep, summer's over. it wasn't as awesome as past summers for sure, but i knew that ahead of time and had an alright one anyway. went to a wedding, got my two summer classes done, saw brant when he visited, saw hopesfall with travis, had a few days to chill in deep creek and saw some people i hadn't seen in a minute before going to philly with the rents. last weekend was suppose to be epic in DC with Eli, but hurricane Irene made other plans and the weekend was epic in Richmond.

had class today, kinda cool only having it 3 days a week, and not before 530. TCP/IP seems like its going to be interesting, and Intro to SAP looks like a cross between info360 and mgmt 320...BORING.

the way i see it, summer's just about over

and as i said, once my summer classes got done i knew i'd be a little more stoked on taking them and not going home for the summer (i got B's in both of them btw). and although at times i was in doubt of that, now knowing 4 classes stand between me and being done with this thing we call "higher education" im pretty stoked.

in recent weeks a couple things have happened: i sold both my video game systems, i got a new phone, saw james/morris' band play (basement dweller, check that shit), had a gastro appointment and scheduled surgery for later this month, bought tickets to see detroit play in washington 10/22/11, saw jd when she came down for cait's birthday, and went with travis to winston-salem to see the hopesfall reunion.

in the coming weeks i have a few things planned before school starts back up: back home to hangout with hannah for a bit/take her to the airport, best friends day, a gastro procedure, a weekend in DC with Eli, and then the weekend after school starts a trip to Philly to chill with Nathan and Adrian

that show was way sweet, the area of winston-salem looked pretty shitty. but everything else was pretty cool, we got there WAAAYYYYYY too early however and sat around in my car for 3 hours before the show even started. Harvard was alrighty, and Hopesfall was super sweet. The raddest part was easily all the older kids moshing with the biggest smiles on their faces, you could tell some of them had been waiting for that day for a long time.

ffbg - intro

her body was lying on the floor: dead, cold and rotting. she had a 12-gauge shotgun pointed to the back of her head. i pulled out a dull, rusty pocketknife i found in my back seat. i stabbed her in the throat and i took her to her car. i ripped out her rib cage and i fucked her heart like she did mine. defiling the carcass of a gutted harlot.

i really just dont care for summer

my polish ass can't deal with the heat and humidity. i can't stop sweating and can't go outside, i feel like i'm confined to an area with constant streams of air conditioning and i just chill at home all day in my underwear. looking back at journal entries from my paper diaries it's about this time i wish for school to start back up and my weeks to be filled with a little more entertainment.

im realizing this week is going a lot like last week, chilling early in the week and putting off an assignment that's due thursday until the day before. only three weeks left in this class and then im done, i do however need to put in work for it before it's done. i just need to sit down and do it, which has been harder to do since kevin and i started up a netflix account.

i finished up the rest of arrested development as i never saw the end. got to where buster got his hand bitten off with my friend maneesha a few semesters back but never got back to it till yesterday. also watched the first season of archer. been watching netflix for 3 days straight pretty much, and it's already been well worth the $4.

really just waiting for august to start as i have a lot of fun things planned/fun weekends ahead. it may actually compete with april for the radest month of the year.and i'm starting it off with a trip home for a dr's appointment and a quick neighbor chiller, and you already know what that means.

this day last year

i was on a plane coming back to norfolk from atlanta and before that milwaukee

aside from brant visiting

june fucking sucked. i feel confident in saying july will be better.

im in love with this woman

i think

brant coming to hangout was just what i needed. a good 6 days or so just to chill the fuck out and do not much of anything. congratulations to the boston bruins on defeating the vancouver canucks in the stanley cup finals. today kinda sucked though, spent my entire day in the business building trying to finish my assignments for my first summer class. only to come up a single screenshot short of what i needed to be completely finished. then to top it off i didnt have something installed to get a major portion of something else done in my second summer class. oy vei. work and maybe the river tomorrow? work all day saturday and then baseball with the rents sunday. stoked. next week shouldn't suck as much.

so far in most aspects

im regretting not going home for the summer.

too much free time is not how i envisioned my summer, hopefully i can get a second job here in the coming weeks. perhaps. i dunno.

just sucks knowing i could be making bank currently.

i need to

start doing these assignments that are worth a third of my final grade in info472 soon.

today's been long, im going to bed.

re-up gang on repeat

the wedding of albert novak and brittany tice

last wednesday, cat and i rode up to philly to chill with nathan and adrian for the evening before making our way to new york. got there and adrian was actually in nj attending to something.

thursday morning woke up to delicious pancakes and coffee before cat and i went out shoe shopping to match her cute dress. after a few spots, and a few more hundred miles we found some red flats at target (go figure). got to queensbury later then expected and chilled for a bit with my cousin jennifer and her boyfriend brad. trilled hard and watched archer. 

friday picked up my tux and we made our way to our hotel room in the outskirts of schenectady. hit up the pool at the hotel and the liquor store down the street. cat, adrian and my mother got tipsy while i got dropped off at the wedding rehearsal and then later met up with them for the dinner. chowed down and crashed super hard after that.

saturday was judgement day and also the day of the wedding. woke up early and had a quick swim with nathan before i went to my aunt/uncles to get ready. nate came too as he was shooting the wedding. was 15 minutes late to their house but that was alright as i was the first person there who didn't live there. slowly the other groomsmen piled in and then AJ came in exclaiming he felt like shit and he had to hurl. he slowly got it together and we got dressed/ready for the big day. leaving the crib was cool, didn't know we'd be styling to the wedding in a limo. a glass of cheap champagne and a quick stop at the liquor store equaled to be about 4 drinks before the actual wedding started, and for somebody who doesn't drink that often (and never that early) i was pretty set as far as being "set" went. walked my aunt tina down the aisle to her seat at the beginning of the wedding and then accompanied cousin jennifer down the aisle. watched my cousin get married, congrats to AJ and Brittany! a dozen of us rode to the reception styling hard again in the limo, another limo ride = more drinking. got to the reception smirking like a tipsy smartass who was only halfway through his day of ballin' hard in his lavender tuxedo. cousin jennifer exclaimed brad was on the other side of the parking lot with a surprise for us. after this pleasant surprise we went in and got a look at the reception area, such a nice place the reception was at. ordered a drink as soon as i got there as i was told only the first hour of the reception was open bar. however it turned out to be the entire evening, so i was like fuck it...wound up having 7 jack and cokes. yep, 7...it was a fun afternoon to say the least. ate dinner, and stood by the stage with jennifer as aj and brittany had their first dance, noticed jenn and i were standing shoulder-to-shoulder with that hand on the others far shoulder. asked her if we were supporting each other up and she responded, "if you're asking, it's happening". we both lol'd and decided not to break character as to not draw attention to us. talked to some relatives i never see, gave'm the school/work/life breakdown right quick. talked to my grandparents. grandma informed me she had a surprise for me, then told me a second later it was my favorite cookies she makes. think dunkin doughnuts doughnut holes but a million times better and made from a whole package of crushed up double stuff oreos, as i tweeted earlier this week "best cookies ever, your grandma's cookies ain't got shit on grandma novak's". looked down at my watch at 5:59pm, a minute before the world was suppose to end, and told cat that if the world ended in a minute thanks for being my bfffl and thanks for accompanying me to the wedding. turned out the world didn't end and lord satan ensured i had more time to enjoy the ballin' afternoon. oh yeah, all those jack and coke's must have done something to me as far as getting pent up urges to dance went. as the evening progressed the playlist got a little more geared towards the younger crowd and dancing ensued. chilled out a bit more after the reception and then crashed the hardest i had all weekend.

sunday we were on our way back home as i was 500 miles away from home and needed to be in class at 1pm monday. got to philly to drop off nathan and adrian, chill pills and a coffee before getting back on the road. made a few stops and eventually got back to richmond around 1130pm. 

overall, rad weekend. more people need to get married soon so i can attend more weddings, realtalk.

stoked to be

getting out of town tomorrow. rva ---> philly ----> ny

first day in a long time

that i literally did nothing all day

As it stands

knowing I could of been done with college yesterday is an odd feeling, i don't regret at all not being done though as my first two years of school bullshitting and chilling hard were entirely worth it. procrastinating shit till the last second only to ultimately either not do it or give a half ass effort and then play halo 2 with everybody in semaj and i's dorm or walking to brant's car to go to taco bell at quarter to two on a tuesday morning. these are the time's im not going to forget from school, not to mention all the other ridiculousness that ensued in that dorm room.

then eliminating my social life and staying on my grind all last year with ashley and the constant cycle of school, work, and the library to turn my GPA around after changing majors from mathematics to information systems.

this year of balancing more things out i believe with a little less emphasis on school but still maintaining my grades, i only would have liked to of worked a little more this school year. but oh well, that's what the summer's for anyway right?

crazy to think i've been in this city for four years and this is going to be my first summer residing in richmond. taking the opportunity to knock out some summer classes so i won't be obligated to my studies come spring time. it'll be interesting to see as to what transpires when i don't have to go to class and im here working and riding out my lease.

however im not entirely sure how i feel about staying here for the summer, past summers i was bitching and moaning about going back home to deep creek to stay bored and to get on my 40-hour a week/4-day work grind. however the internship treated me well all three summers and left me with some 3 day weekends i can never forget:

Tennessee for July 4th weekend 2009 to chill with Brant

JMU to trill with Morris and Erika

NYC with Keo and the three Dorsey sisters

Countless RVA trips for the weekends

Philadelphia plenty of times to see my brother

Last year's insanity July 4th Weekend with JD (and god damn do i miss her)

Trips to Delaware with father to see the Outlaws at Delaware International Speedway

Wisconsin to see Grandma and Hannah

and that was only the past two summers as i can't remember too much of what i did the first one, but remember it was full of plenty of RVA trips.

I bitched about how bored I stayed during the week at home, but even that wasn't too bad. I had my neighbors who are always holding it down and ready to chill whenever, my sister's clay and allyse to get into all sorts of craziness with, lisa chan to take to dinner and have girltalk with. realtalk, i'm going to miss not being home at some points in the summer i believe, but no worries i'll find my way down there a couple times before the summer's all said and done.

i do look forward to being here though as well, hanging out with people i always try to chill with but never do during the school year due to conflicting schedules. hanging out with everybody i see on a regular basis and hanging out more in general.

next week is my cousin's wedding in upstate new york, im excited. cat and i are meeting up with nathan and adrian in philly, then riding up the next day to chill hard with my other cousin for a night before the weekend of festivities begins.

when i get back to richmond i start my summer class that monday at 1pm. till late june i'll be on a 1-315 monday through thursday school schedule and working hopefully too much on the weekends. then after that it's just a tuesday and thursday night 6-840pm class till early august, but hopefully that allows for more travel time as i can then actually get some shifts during the week. 

you can see where im skeptical as compared to past summers how this one will go.

BUT THIS SHITS HERE AND IT STARTS NOW

may shall be dedicated to

a year today...

i've been single, and im content....gmfb.