I haven't really

been feeling particularly good about myself for a while now. For about a year I haven't been up to much of anything. Things have been different, I've been in an odd mood constantly and I keep delaying the smallest of productive tasks in order to do nothing at all. All motivation has been lost and I have the feeling that my next move will be one that will too drastically effect the outcome of my life for years to come. I have nothing to base this off of except for the thought that I'll be stuck at a job I don't like for an extended period of time. To wrap it all up, I'm terrified of what the future holds for me and because of that I'm refusing to do anything about it.

My current job has been for some time annoying me more and more, slack motherfuckers leaving shit for others to do without consequence. The thing that sucks is that I generally enjoy everybody I work with, but the thought that I could be making way more and I'm not working with something dealing with my major bums me out.

I don't know what exactly I'd like to do with my degree, something definitely in the field of networking. If I didn't hate programming so god damn much I'd like to do web development. Also at times I've been thinking perhaps I've picked the wrong major, I came to college with the intention of getting a degree in Mathematics but due to distractions and lack of concentration I was forced to switch. Every job posting I see that becomes available dealing with technology I'm only half stoked on. Recently a friend pointed out a job posting in Thailand to teach middle school aged kids math for 7 weeks this summer, the amount of excitement I've had about applying for this position is more exciting then perhaps anything that's happened to me within the past year.

I was really hoping to be back in Deep Creek for the summer, working 40 hours a week with 3 day weekends. Grinding my ass off to get to where I wanted to be by the end of the summer, and really just having one final summer before entering "The Real World". Kinda sucks, I gave 3 summers of my life to them and when I bail on the 4th due to wanting to graduate faster I'm told no for the 5th. I'd only see myself working there to enter into ODU's Masters Program for IS, as 2/3rds of it are classes I've already taken. However, now looking at VCU's program I could do it much faster and learn more. Who knows, I see school opening back up as a possibility though, as god know's I've been bored as fuck this past 6 months.

The move have been sweet, my new apartment is rad and it's all coming together. However a major problem developed when I discovered (as the Comcast guy arrived) that there is not a cable connection in my apartment. Therefore, there is no chance of me getting high speed internet. I suspect my landlord/realty company sucks ass but since technically I'm not on the lease I can't talk to either to get that fixed. If nothing develops with that I may need to seek alternatives.

The only thing that I'm really noticing from all of this, is that time is not slowing down for me. And I really need to get my shit together. However something needs to change in order for that to take off I feel.

Oh yeah, I talked to Trey and I'm only working 4 days a week for a while. The Anniversary sale starts Wednesday and that shit's going to be cray (always is), so when I have Saturday-Tuesday off in a few days I plan on being stupid productive back home.

There's a few plans set into place for the coming months, but nothing is set in stone yet.

i've neglected you online journal.

since our last hangout i've seen the wings play three times: a blowout loss in washington, a win in pittsburgh, and an upset in long island. each time was a total blast, and im stoked i still have at least two more games to go to this season. 

and just like that my final semester of college was over with, im just now starting to be productive after graduating. christmas and new years was wonderful and this month of adjusting to life no longer being a student has been kinda weird. for a while i kept waking up every day (or afternoon) thinking i should have something to actually do besides going to work for at most 8 hours. as a result at times i was feeling unmotivated and unproductive without any deadlines being imposed.

however in the past week i've turned that around a bit, so that's sweet.

just finished

my first homework assignment of the semester.

i was going to say i should start being more productive, but i think i actually started doing so this evening.

so hooray for that.

first day of school

yep, summer's over. it wasn't as awesome as past summers for sure, but i knew that ahead of time and had an alright one anyway. went to a wedding, got my two summer classes done, saw brant when he visited, saw hopesfall with travis, had a few days to chill in deep creek and saw some people i hadn't seen in a minute before going to philly with the rents. last weekend was suppose to be epic in DC with Eli, but hurricane Irene made other plans and the weekend was epic in Richmond.

had class today, kinda cool only having it 3 days a week, and not before 530. TCP/IP seems like its going to be interesting, and Intro to SAP looks like a cross between info360 and mgmt 320...BORING.

the way i see it, summer's just about over

and as i said, once my summer classes got done i knew i'd be a little more stoked on taking them and not going home for the summer (i got B's in both of them btw). and although at times i was in doubt of that, now knowing 4 classes stand between me and being done with this thing we call "higher education" im pretty stoked.

in recent weeks a couple things have happened: i sold both my video game systems, i got a new phone, saw james/morris' band play (basement dweller, check that shit), had a gastro appointment and scheduled surgery for later this month, bought tickets to see detroit play in washington 10/22/11, saw jd when she came down for cait's birthday, and went with travis to winston-salem to see the hopesfall reunion.

in the coming weeks i have a few things planned before school starts back up: back home to hangout with hannah for a bit/take her to the airport, best friends day, a gastro procedure, a weekend in DC with Eli, and then the weekend after school starts a trip to Philly to chill with Nathan and Adrian

that show was way sweet, the area of winston-salem looked pretty shitty. but everything else was pretty cool, we got there WAAAYYYYYY too early however and sat around in my car for 3 hours before the show even started. Harvard was alrighty, and Hopesfall was super sweet. The raddest part was easily all the older kids moshing with the biggest smiles on their faces, you could tell some of them had been waiting for that day for a long time.

ffbg - intro

her body was lying on the floor: dead, cold and rotting. she had a 12-gauge shotgun pointed to the back of her head. i pulled out a dull, rusty pocketknife i found in my back seat. i stabbed her in the throat and i took her to her car. i ripped out her rib cage and i fucked her heart like she did mine. defiling the carcass of a gutted harlot.

i really just dont care for summer

my polish ass can't deal with the heat and humidity. i can't stop sweating and can't go outside, i feel like i'm confined to an area with constant streams of air conditioning and i just chill at home all day in my underwear. looking back at journal entries from my paper diaries it's about this time i wish for school to start back up and my weeks to be filled with a little more entertainment.

im realizing this week is going a lot like last week, chilling early in the week and putting off an assignment that's due thursday until the day before. only three weeks left in this class and then im done, i do however need to put in work for it before it's done. i just need to sit down and do it, which has been harder to do since kevin and i started up a netflix account.

i finished up the rest of arrested development as i never saw the end. got to where buster got his hand bitten off with my friend maneesha a few semesters back but never got back to it till yesterday. also watched the first season of archer. been watching netflix for 3 days straight pretty much, and it's already been well worth the $4.

really just waiting for august to start as i have a lot of fun things planned/fun weekends ahead. it may actually compete with april for the radest month of the year.and i'm starting it off with a trip home for a dr's appointment and a quick neighbor chiller, and you already know what that means.